I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
