it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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