She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize