I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
