You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
