On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
