You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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