so explain again why im purple
no
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
