I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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