Kiss
Puke
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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