you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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