he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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