i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
ttyl tear gas
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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