I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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