It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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