I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
