I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
