Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
