Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
