You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
