when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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