My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
