I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
