GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
BRING THE BAGELS
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
