and you said cock pushups were impossible
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
