Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
