You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
