tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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