remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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