My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
