I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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