Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
