i always forget guys have bellybuttons
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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