I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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