This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
