She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
