the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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