It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
