I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
