I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
