The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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