I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
