just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
