have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
