he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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