why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
