when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
