He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
