new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
