i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
