I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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