I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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