i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
