youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
