someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
