I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
