I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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