He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
