Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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