Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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