Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
