Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
