I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
