omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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