If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
