found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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