Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize