I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
