kristin has been a bad kristin
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
