This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
