Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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