My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
