i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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