I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
