Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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