i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dick very happy bro
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