Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
