i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
