he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize