You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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