to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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