Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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