Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
