I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
