you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
