They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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