What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to sanitize my soul.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
