You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
