Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
