one might say we're banned from that church
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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