When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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