umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
