So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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