why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
