I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he fucked my hip out of place.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
