I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
