Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
sarcasm needs its own font
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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