So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
