He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
