I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
