Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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