I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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