the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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