There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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