Michael Bay diarrhea
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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