We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
