I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He has the fingertips of a God
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize