On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dick very happy bro
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
